becoming a woman (part 2)

So technically, realities of life began to dawn on me. I became more conscious about a whole lot of things, including my negative and positive traits.
I and my close friends would sit and gist about things interesting to us, and one faithful day, one of us brought up the topic of a new boy in our class, voicing out her admiration for him, wow, wow, wow, everyone seemed to go mute but after a while most of them seemed to consent about him being a fine boy, wow, I couldn't still come to terms with this until after a long while and well...talking about boys became a frequently occuring topic of discussion.
At this point, in my early years of secondary school, I became dissatisfied with my grades as I realised, beauty with no brains was a term no one wished to be addressed with and the seemingly beautiful girls who were intelligent seemed to get the most attention and well...I wouldn't mind a lil bit of that attention.
I became brilliant, beautiful and important in my own little way.
However, insecurities and wishes still prevailed, I wanted longer hair, little more height, wished I was a tad bit slimmer, and the list of my now irrelevant worries could have gone on.

I once lived

Soul beating,
Heart bleeding,
Everything I had,
I saw fading.

Now beyond,
Perhaps the great beyond,
Help eludes my hands,
Would have laid down mine.

Please just wait,
Sweep me up in your arms,
Love me here.
My heart, i'll lay down.

Knew love,
Love died,
It once lived,
I once lived.




This is dedicated to my dear friend's mother , Sophia.

piercing silence

That phase in life when you let someone in, with your hopes high, like way high, it's all laughs and everything nice, you share past memories with them and let them in on a lot of stuff because of the happiness and comfort you feel when In their company.
This is perfectly reciprocated in most cases that I know of, both parties feel the attraction and connection, occasionally, sacrifices are made in order to make the other happy or at ease in a difficult phase of their lives.
Albeit, the story line never maintains this beautiful perception in most cases. A period comes, one feels too occupied with schedules, the other feels left alone. Regular conversations become rushed ones or periodic talks, the communication dims.
One finally stops trying, deepening the silence, the silence feels piercing to the other, and finally gives in to the new trend as well, a perfectly blossoming relationship halts abruptly, in most cases, both parties still wonder why and how.
The root problem is communication, the inability of one party to explain to the other what he/she feels properly. Even when misinterpretations cause the drift, communication is still key. Even at the set in of the piercing silence, communication still helps, unless one party is too pained to speak or feels words wouldn't explain.

becoming a woman (part 1)

Growing up, it always seemed life would end with an happily ever after. Sing in the bathroom and never have to worry about a thing. Mehn!, life seemed so beautiful, so at peace, so free of worries, life seemed so beautiful...
Basically, not a thing to do, except having to score good grades, be obedient  and be graceful, but whew!, that was still quite some responsibility to be entrusted with. If only we knew what was to still be expected of us by society as a whole, if only.
Obviously not all of us had good grades, I don't know about you but I didn't, I couldn't just fathom me getting home, freshening up and carry my books to read, come on, life couldn't be so hard. So for quite the most part of my early years in school, I was mediocre, so to say.
Hmmmm, about being obedient, well... I partly was, trust me I tried my best to be obedient but there was this gangster feeling that came up every now and then and it got the most out of me.
Trying to be graceful, unfortunately got me into trouble a lot of times, as I remember me stealing from my sister's perfumes, in a bid to smell nice and enhance my then perception of graceful, and well... you should all guess, I was severely dealt with, not negatives all the way though since she finally bought me one after a long while.
Thinking about my very begining fascinates me, such state of naivety and innocence. Unknown to me I could have been better, wiser, more productive, and the list could go on. I can't change all that though, it's what molded me, it's what made me who I am today and although I wish for a better me, I appreciate who I am today.

void of emotion

Wanderer, all I am,
Knoweth not vision,
It existeth not,
Knoweth not purpose.
Wanderer, all I am.

Depth of emotion,
Findeth no expression,
Slowly, it fadeth,
Slowly, I looseth,
Depth of emotion.

Effortless observation,
Showeth my depression,
Atlas, I hide it not,
The sadness on the surface,
Effortless observation.



Written by Mayowa Da-costa 

Note: this poem is a practical

drifting magnetism

Once upon a time, you were my everything. The drift is now deepening, and the magnetism is now slimming.
Thinking of the fun times we shared, the dark times, and the crazy times as well. Now they're all thoughts and memories. One never to let go of anyway, because they mean a lot.
Reaching out has become so hard, so strange, so unfamiliar. Or has the way to reach out been forgotten?,definitely not. It's now just better than giving explanations which won't be avoided forever.
Are you hiding?, are you grieving?, are you deepening the drift purposely?. Don't really know and that's quite frustrating.
Never see you anymore, am forgetting you the more, the drift is deepening and the magnetism is slimming.
Just come out the door and bring down your walls if there are actually any.


Written by Mayowa Da-costa